Dear 4 W's and the H, Burn away.... Love, K.

The last few times my Granddaddy and I have talked, he's told me not to worry. You know when someone gives you advice and you're thinking, "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not dealing with that, but thanks for your time well spent telling me about it..." then you actually take a good look at your life and realize how right they really were? Zing. Today during my walk/prayer time I found myself praying for things I was worried about. Ah, but of course, he was right.

So I started asking that God would help me not to be anxious. Philippians says, "Do not be anxious about anything but by prayer and petition, present your requests to God." So, I just started praying that God would make me independently dependent on JUST Him and Him alone. As a person who is very independent, I find myself occasionally falling in the trap of being dependent on people for affirmation, for satisfaction, for commendation, for a shoulder to cry on, for an open ear and still feel unfulfilled. I'm realizing that my Father isn't even hearing these requests from me firsthand. Unfortunately, my friends can't offer me any solution that is better than the one that God can give. He always wants to listen. always cares. always supports. always loves. Time cannot prevent God from giving me as much as I need. He's never bombarded with problems that He can't listen to mine. His love is not conditional. He is not moody. He won't share with anyone else. He genuinely cares about spending time with me because he cherishes my entire being that He took the time to create.

Back on track here......I firmly believe that I am in a place in my life where Christ should come first and worrying should be at the very end of my list. Yeah, it should have happened a long time ago, but in reality who really lives by that rule? I am tired of being drained by the agonizing questions of the 4 W's and the H. (for non-communication people, that's Who, Where, Why, When, How). Those things are a gallon full of confusion and stress sweetened with a flavor of "responsibility" just to make it taste right. Maybe I'm stretching it a bit, but what if being a Christian means that we're not always seeming to be responsible? We're not cookie-cutter perfect with our i's dotted and our t's crossed. We walk by faith and not by sight. We hope for things that are unseen and believe they will come to pass when our spirit Father decides to give it to us because we've devoted our lives to Him.

"No, I'm not married...or engaged....or dating anyone...."
"Nope, I don't officially know what I'm doing....."
"Nah, I have no idea where I'll be going....."
BUT
"I trust God will tell me what I'm supposed to do, where I'm destined to go, why I'm called to be there, when it's going to take place and how it's going to happen just as soon as He feels it's right, and if He doesn't answer all those questions at once, I'm still going to believe that I have enough insight to initiate the first step in the direction of the perfection of my calling." Booyah.

So, I'm forgetting the petty things that don't matter right now. Love Jesus and love people. The rest will fall into place. I am passionately seeking the way to live a destiny full of compassion with a heroic effort of boldness to eradicate the sinfulness that has penetrated itself into the very depths of our world and rescue the hurting and dying people so that they may have hope, experience freedom and be embraced by the unfailing love of Christ.

Worry cannot exist within this vision. Jesus, may the deepest desires of my heart swallow up all of the worry that antagonizes me each day so that I can live fully in you, trusting your every move and be able to love in a capacity that exceeds natural understanding.

Blissful Thinking

In response to a friend's great idea, I have his permission (thanks, love) to create a post similar to a recent one of his own. Apparently, I am to choose a phrase at the beginning and complete the thought. My phrase is "I like it when..."

I like it when.....


...My heart breaks for someone else because I feel connected to their soul. I can help someone solve a problem- It gives me a sense of usefulness. Someone takes a stand for justice. Couples are happy making each other happy. People take time to get to know who I really am. I see others live selflessly. I beat my Grammy in Scrabble, even though I feel sudo guilty. I am challenged. My friends feel loved by me. Bailey (my dog) kisses me in the face, even though it's gross. God uses me to pour into someone else's life. God uses someone else to pour into mine. My friend's strengths compensate for my weaknesses. People are honest and open. I think about the unfathomable idea of eternity even though I have a system failure in my brain. My toes hit the sand for the first time at the beach. Fall weather comes. I get to play with kids. I can bake for other people. My grandaddy calls me Special K... or just "Special" for short. There's a great parking spot at the mall waiting just for me. People want to go on coffee dates. Someone surprises me with a gift (a rarity, though). A handwritten letter comes in the mail, just for me. My favorite tv shows have all-day marathons. I can waste a day doing nothing and not feel ashamed. I can go to a home store and imagine what my future house will look like. I get to visit Disney World. People actually listen and care about what I'm saying. We have family dinners. Someone says "I love you" and means it.

I could go on, but my eyes won't allow me to. It's late and I need to go to bed. Maybe I'll do another one of these exercises another nite, and possibly be more creative with my first phrase. Thanks, B. This was fun. Love you.

Grammatically incorrectly correct

In watching the news on the latest crash and burn from Lehman Brothers and the Bank of America/Merrill Lynch acquisition on Fox News, my grandmother says....

"Cain't nobody buy out Jesus. He is the only secure thing we have."


That's right, Grammy. You tell 'em. He is the only stable thing we have. Isn't that a funny thought? No amount of money can purchase Jesus. Nothing can kill him. Nothing can stop him. No person can tear him down. And to think that we put our faith in so many other things sometimes.

Just let it sink in. It's one of those "my brain hurts" moments if you think about it hard enough. There's absolutely nothing that can take him away from us. Well, glory.

I'm positive I'll be mocked for this.

There is a big part of adventure that I now believe is sticky to the touch and should be avoided. In walking with some of my friends tonight during what we were calling "ghost-hunting", I stepped into it with very innocent intentions. What seems to be innocent always has a way of sneaking in a little harm on the side. Our mind has commonly been called a battlefield, but even in knowing that this statement remains very accurate for a majority of people on Earth (whether they recognize it or not), we still tend to toy with the ideas of the darkness of spirituality. We allow ourselves to entertain thoughts of the realities in realms of evil and corrupt wickedness. So ignorant. So........blatantly stupid of us.

Back to my story.......We're walking through this dark forest, headed to an old colonial prison, where apparently tons of American men had died. It's cool, not too creepy. It's history, so there is an element of mystery yet also appreciation for it's structure and wealth of age. However, it's not the building that causes the pit of my stomach to sink, it's the step that was taken in light of the atmosphere, which was to tell factual stories of encounters with various spirits/ghosts/beings. I wanted so bad to close my ears. To leave. To vanish. To be a ghoul myself and be anywhere but there. I couldn't, because I couldn't ruin the fun for everyone. What a people pleaser I turned out to be.

This is the part where people begin to mock. Mock if you will, but I'll believe what I want and you can't stop me. I've never liked scary movies. Is there really enjoyment in being shaken to fear? Thrust into a position of internal imbalance for some deep emotional thrill...?? I shudder at the thought. It's beyond me to understand what kind of pleasing excitement is birthed from fear and why it's worth the venture. I revert back to that childhood song, "oh be careful little eyes what you see....oh be careful little ears what you hear...." It's about guarding your heart. I believe, the things, good/bad soil, that enter through your senses can also penetrate into the heart. "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Am I right? It's not an odd connection. The parallel here that I'm trying to show is that what is going in the body is settling down on the inside and somehow planting its unhealthy roots at the core of our spirits and producing a fruit that is already rotten and spoiled. What goes in eventually comes out. It's a natural bodily function, and I believe it's a natural spiritual function as well.

So I'm walking back, after hearing multiple ghost stories, and feeling wrong about what just happened, knowing my own vulnerability to the situation, and as clear as day I hear Jesus say, "Think on things that are true. noble. and good." Needless to say, I was convicted. I'm sure that most people wouldn't be, but I was. So much so that I had to sit and write about it in order to purge myself of all this wickedness I let in my mind and allow God to restore a sense of order and stability to my thoughts with His peace. In everything I do, I want to give glory to Him. Such a hard command to obey, but in regards to this situation tonight, I want to be obedient and turn it around for His glory.

We are so weak, God. Consecrate our minds daily to You so that we do not allow the evils of this world to poison our spirits.