When we're in school, we wish we werent. When we're out, we wish we were with everyone. We love the social life. We hate the drama. I'll miss the moments I skip class in the morning to go to breakfast. I'll miss never going to chapel. I'll never regret going to class in my pj's with my hair tucked under a hat to disguise the late nite I had before. I miss the whistles and cheers of my closest guy friends when I walk through a door balancing a handful of warm cupcakes and cookies.
But I don't want to go back.
As strange as it is for me to hear about the confusion my friends are facing with the trials of their new semester schedule changes and deferred payment plans, I embrace the freedom that has come with this achievement of graduating.
I find myself having to say goodbye every month, it seems. I looked at one of my dearest friends yesterday after church, with tears in my eyes and didn't want to face the fact that in less than a week, he was going thousands of miles away from me. I had to say goodbye again to another bestie who keeps leaving me to teach Korean kids. :) *you know I love ya* And eventually, I want to be the one people are saying goodbye to.
I understand it's part of the change.... and I'm not talking menopause... I'm talking about the transition into "real life" requiring these goodbyes. People leaving. New plans. Marriage. etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about my life. I'm just feeling lost. Misplaced? No job. No money. Just the desire to help others find life through the treasured gift of knowing Christ.
I know God has me here in Cleveland for a reason (as bad as I want to get out). It's not my time to leave. I have to suffer watching others move away and pray my day will come soon. I know I'm leaving for Cambodia soon, and God is going to do amazing things (which I will write about later), but until then what do I do? I can't stand being unproductive. Jobless. Nothing I am trying to do is working out... something just tells me I should wait. As much as I want to fight it, I can't. God's going to do, what God's going to do. Maybe He is seeing if I'll be a good steward of my time while I'm sitting around. I'll tell ya, I haven't been (Thanks, Olympics).
I guess as cliche as it is.... it's all in His timing, and I just gotta rest on that promise.
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I wish I had some wonderful deep sentence to make you feel differently, but you're so right... restlessness stinks. But, coming from someone who God hasn't released to move away, there is a great beauty in transition, and you have a primo (albeit painful) seat to watch all the action happen. And these moments that seem mundane -- you know they aren't and God does too. And this time isn't about unproductivity... it's about rest. You have an incredible journey ahead of you, and he's giving your heart time to rest before your greatest adventure!! Or better yet... HIS.
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