He had it. I want it.

As I was reading about Paul in Colossians today, something hit me like never before. Paul was the man. I mean, seriously, he was the freaking bomb. Make fun of my saying that all you want, but this guy got something right. A man who once murdered Christians and then became transformed because of a face to face experience with God the Father himself. He then took on the burden of the Father to preach the gospel. Rather than instantly being thrust into a profitable ministry, Paul endured a painful life of persecution.

The part that blows my mind is that he never once questioned God. He said that he would rather be sitting in the jail cell than for those he was writing to. What a selfless human being. Somehow, some way, the man was so drastically changed that he longed to endure more suffering so that he could spread the gospel even more. So positive. So right.

I wanna be just like him so I can make Jesus proud.... Taking joy in situations that just suck. Without Paul, we may not have a hope for endurance. Because of his heart for God, he never gave up. He never let go. How though? How could someone who hated Christianity become so grounded in what he knew? Something phenomenal happened in his life. Something I want. I don't know how it happened, how he got it, or how long it took, but I know I want it.

I want the endless joy in a life destined for failure. I need promised hope for the future in current broken situations. I want the faith to press forward while I sit on the cold floor of a jail cell hungry, cold and lonely. I want to see the mystery of God so that I can have wisdom and know the treasures in Heaven.

written 04.16.2008