Frequency Change

Today I am content. I am freezing like an ice cube upstairs in the office, but I'm content.

As I was sitting here listening to a Francis Chan sermon from last week (check him out at www.cornerstonechurch.com), he was talking about being so enamored by his relationship with Jesus. He wasn't bragging by any means, but just saying how in love he was with God. I started questioning if that was me.

I know recently I have felt closer to God than ever before. I'm not studying my Bible more, I'm not currently reading books on religion (although I probably should), and I'm not going to both the early and late service on Sunday mornings. Heck, I didn't even go this morning. I think it's my mindset. I have really been trying to set my mind on Him in all that I do. In the ways I think. Do my thoughts provide a representation of what He would want me to think on? It's been really hard. I've been convicted about a few things... such as the way I view myself, for instance. We'll leave that blog for another day, though. But, everything is different.

For once in my life, I don't need all the extras to make me happy.

I love my friends. I really really do. I love to give hugs, to smile at people, to show them that I love them. But I don't need them. I really don't want this to come out the wrong way. I've just redirected my dependency on something that is eternal and unfailing.

If you've read my blog before, you know I have major consistency issues. No, I'm not talking like cottage cheese or buttermilk (both of which I loathe), but I'm speaking more about my interpersonal relationships with others. If you're not consistent = you don't love me/you don't care. Bottom line. No getting out of it. Must reconcile immediately to earn back my trust. I know, it sounds absurd, but it's a conditioned struggle thanks to my childhood. I just realized though, that there will be nothing....NOTHING that can fully satisfy me like God can. He's the only consistent person I'll ever have in my life. So, kind of like changing frequencies, I changed my dependency to God and it became clear.

My friendship with him has become real. Alive.

I began wondering how I came to this revelation. I pondered for a while, and roughly stumbled around to find the light of the answer. And like a beacon (play singing "aaaahhhh" music, please), I got my answer:

He gave me purpose. I have purpose right now by him, in him and through him. No one else can give me that. It just took me a while to fully embrace the purpose, but once I got it, I changed. I'm okay with being alone. I'm okay with my thoughts (for the most part). I'm learning to control my mind in the silence so that it doesn't linger on the failings of futile humanity.

Find your purpose in Him. He has one. It will bring content to your soul. Peace to your mind. Love to your heart.

"Ask and it will be given to you.
Seek and you will find.
Knock and the door will be opened."